Showing posts with label Pinoy Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pinoy Jokes. Show all posts

Driver's License Application

1.21.2008
Applying for a Driver's License? Read on.

Qualifications:
1. Must be at least eighteen (18) years old.
2. Must be physically and mentally fit.
3. Must not be a drug user or alcoholic.
4. Must be clean, neat and presentable; and...

5. Must have a PERFECT HAPPY SMILE!... Click! Yiihii!:D


[via Pinas Update]

Fat guy...

1.20.2008
Texter: Anne (639092890778)


Doc told to fat guy: From now on ang pwede mo lang kainin eh mga lumalangoy.

One week later hinanap ni Doc si fat guy...
Maid: Nasa pool ho. Tinuturuan lumangoy yung baboy!

:D

*THE!*

12.19.2007
Go ahead. Bite my tongue!"Got milk?..."

We've been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo --- take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repause of your soul. I second emotion.

* * * * *

by email
from Slimlcd of Questions & Challenges. Thanks!



ASIDE


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X-Ray Mobile Phone now released!

4.29.2007
So you’re ready to enter the 21st century and you want so much to have the latest cool-looking mobile phone so you can tirelessly flaunt to impress the ladies.

Well, I hope you're ready for this. The dream phone of all those FHM and MAXIM readers has eventually arrived.

The new 5005X is here!

censored

I bet you can't wait to have one, huh.

Any comment?...

69 kuya!

ANAK: Mommy, ano yung sex?

INA: Ah.. eh.. number yun anak!

ANAK: Tama! Kasi sabi ni Daddy kay yaya, "sex tayo." Tapos sumagot si yaya, "69 ba ulit kuya?"

Asa ka pa

Pangarap mo ba...
na mahalin ka ng taong mahal mo?...


Itext mo si PROSPERO PICHAY!


Pangarap nyang tuparin ang pangarap mo.

Operation

4.15.2007
HUSBAND: Mahal, kung 'di ako makaligtas sa operasyong ito, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa mga bata.... I LOVE YOU ALL !

WIFE: Tumigil ka! Wala pang namamatay sa TULI !

Hubad

GIRL: Hubad mo na bra ko.

BOY: Yan hubad na.

GIRL: Hubad mo na rin panty ko.

BOY: Yan hubad na rin.

GIRL: Sa susunod huwag na huwag mong gagamitin ang mga damit ko, bakla ka!!

UnderDog

DOCTOR: What happened to your knees?!

LADY: Too much dog-style s_x.

DOCTOR: Don't you know any other style?...

LADY: I do... But the dog doesn't.

Pareng Baby

MRS: Hoy sino itong Baby na nagtext s'yo?

MR: Ah eh kumpare natin yan ah. Susss, lalaki yan!
Baby lang ang palayaw. Napakaselosa mo naman Dear.
Yan yung may tindahan sa kanto, doon tayo umuutang.
Di pa nga tayo nagbabayad eh.

MRS: O eto replyan mo! Di raw kayo tuloy at may mens s'ya!

ngek! :p

Man-to-Man(hood)?

4.08.2007



Son: Dad! Nakipag-SEX ako sa teacher ko!

Dad: Talaga?! Halika inuman tayo. Let's celebrate your coming to manliness!

Son: Bukas na lang dad... Ang sakit ng pwet ko!...

:p

Kris Aquino and James Yap. Menthol Lovers!




Kris and James (Photo respectfully stolen from pep.ph)

All is fair in love:

Kung may PHILIP si KRIS,
may HOPE naman si JAMES.

Both menthol.
Cooool! :p

A Toy and a Leaf





A toy..




A leaf..



a toy..
a leaf..


a toy
a leafin mo katit hindi batid..
aaminin to mintan ato'y manhid..

by Tyamrock! :p

Textus Addictus

SMEAGOL
Textus Addictus just lost
his cellphone... and his mind.


Textus Addictus - A Morphologic modern looking subterranean half japanese half spitz homo erectus E.T. with a half brain ranging from 300 to 600cc only good for unlimited texting. Check how you key in ur text and see how Textus Addictus runs in your blood!... :D

Happy texting!

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