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[Warning:  Rude Jokes]

The young novice was assigned her first job at the convent: to sweep the steps of the church and keep the entrance clean. But she was having a terrible time with the pigeons. They were flapping, cooing, and shitting all over the steps she had just cleaned. She would wave her arms and say: "Fuck off. Fuck off."

It annoyed the priest who asked Mother Superior to have a discreet word with the novice.

"Your language is unseemly and entirely unncessary," Mother Superior told her. "All you have to do is say shoo-shoo, and swipe them with the broom and you will find they will soon fuck off."


The young novice soon realised that the absence of sex in the convent was a problem.  She confessed to Mother Superior that it was unhealthy and she was restless.
  "Comfort yourself with a scented candle," she was advised.
  "I've tried that," she said, "but you get tired of the same thing wick in wick out."


Mother Superior was engrossed in a crossword puzzle for sometime and muttered that something was wrong.
  "What's a four-letter word relating to women that ends in u-n-t?"
  "Oh dear," said Sister Priscilla,  "I think that would have to be aunt."
  "Of course," said Mother Superior.  "Do you have an eraser I could borrow."


Become a nun and feel superior.